A burnout made in heaven?

November 2, 2026

⊕Photo of a matchstick on fire. It was collected from Pexels.com wherein it was uploaded by user ClickerHappy under the CC0 License. Link to Photo

Bismillāhir Raḥmānir Raḥīm Meaning: ‘In the name of Allāh, the Most Merciful, the Especially Merciful’. Allāh is the name of God Almighty.

The signs were there since I was about 8 or 9 years old. I was in my maternal aunt’s apartment one day, just on a visit with my mother. I was watching cartoons on the TV to pass time and to stave off my boredom. At some point, my aunt saw me staring at the TV through the doorway while she was passing by. She then exclaimed how I looked like I was going to (or wanted to) enter the TV itselfHaha… It’s an old memory of a time long gone. It gets me nostalgic or sentimental and the like.. Anyways, she probably said it, and I realized this recently, because I have this habit of sticking my head out too far forward when I’m focused on something. In fact, it’s usually so far out forward that I look quite like a very myopic old man trying to find his glasses or maybe something that got lost in his drawersBasically, I seem to get lost in the object of my attention completely..

And this could not have escaped the attention of my acquaintances and near ones either. I suppose that they found it weird or even mildly amusing. Or perhaps they wrote it off as one of my quirks – and, to be fair, they would be right in partThough I don’t know whether anyone figured it out by themselves until now, to be frank. Anyways, I guess they’ll know if they read this.. Of course, it isn’t just because of my myopia or a by-product of it – unlike the habitual frown that I developed during my time as an undiagnosed myopic in Grade 8On a tangential note, perhaps I was actually short-sighted from around the time of that memory because I tried to look at the sun through my sunglasses (more than once) and other things like that. Experiments of a child on his way to discover the reailty of the world? Haha… I seem to have done some fairly risky experiments on my body, mind and soul – which I am now paying for. A word to the wise is enough whereas I have spent many words. Not very wise of me. Hahaha…. Actually, it was something else - something a tad bit more sinister, something a bit more combustible.

Looking back, it seems to me now that I did not merely FAIL to lose that habit (which is a reason why that old memory resurfaced) but, rather, actually succeeded in nourishing it over the years instead. This allowed it to grow to devastating proportions along with an assembly of other bad habits - the details of which I won’t burden you with here. Well, let’s just say that the magic beanstalks would have a run for their growth rate. Anyways, I’ve realized now that I have a set of traits and habits that are very suitable for burning a person out as easily as a matchstick. Perhaps I should call it a candle flame or maybe even a kitchen fire because it can start over and over again - all while I’m quite alive and kickingApologies for my tone in that paragraph. If it sounds traumatic, it is because it was so to me. My flaws were choking me alive back then but I’ve gotten over it though, Alḥamdu liLlāhi taʿālā..

Perhaps this is how downfall marred the ends of people who lacked introspection, but all praise belongs to our Lord Most High whose blessed me with an intervention that brought some valuable realizations and lessons. I realized that there may still be hope for me out there. I’m still alive - aren’t I?Are we really alive? More importantly, is our spiritual heart alive in this day and age? Allāh knows. Though I don’t know when I’ll go, I can hope that there is still some time for me to change. So, I say to myself: How can you give up while so many are still fighting to improve themselves every day? What excuse do you have, fool?

Now, it is time for me to reshape the tesseract of my habits. Well, I exaggerate in calling it a tesseract but it should be clear to the reader that it is nothing more than a combustion tetrahedron. It is time for me to gradually decrease my habit of being attracted to things - esp. tasty bits of information and people (particularly of the opposite gender). It is time for me to actively practice restraint, esp. in the form of fasts all over the year not just from food and sins but other things, like unnecessary thoughts, speech and action, as well. It is time for me to restrain myself from impulsive behaviour. It is time to give due priority to the important things - esp. my mandatory obligations, my education and my finances. (However, isn’t it already time for us all to change ourselves and our lives in a positive direction?) Regardless, this is a mountainous challenge for anyone like me, and I am obviously beseeching the Lord Most High for success in my goals. So, that is it for now. I seek your duʿās, set my sails and casy my fate to the wind - towards the horizon. I wish it really was that dramatic. Hahaha…

May Allāh taʿālā reward you with much goodness for your time and patience. May His peace and blessings be forever upon His chosen slave and messenger Muḥammad (ﷺ), his progeny, his companions and his followers eternally. ʾÃmīn.